It amazes me how much change is possible in just 365 days. When I think back to who I was at the beginning of the pandemic versus now, it’s startling to see how I’ve changed. Last March, I was in the same position as every other person my age. I spent most of my day consuming copious amounts of time on TikTok, making whipped coffee and homemade bread, overly motivated to make the most of my free time by taking up new hobbies that lasted a week at best, and ignoring the fact that I was slowly going a bit insane. Though the pandemic was supposed to be a moment to slow down and perhaps self-reflect, instead I did everything in my power to keep busy. Rather than dedicate some time towards learning about the parts of myself I keep buried or make peace with past memories, instead I was virtually interning from 9-5, exercising daily, and spending my nights surfing the web. Sure, I developed a steady routine that allowed me to keep my mind and body in shape, but I was still ignoring the bigger issues in my life. Then July hit and gave rise to the Black Lives Matter movement. BLM exposed me to the ugliness of the world so rapidly. Yes, I study global studies where all we talk about is war, genocide, natural disasters, terrorism, and more, however these topics are usually taught in a very detached manner. BLM made me aware of the human-ness tied intimately to the horrors in this world. Though I have been exposed to injustices in the past and even been victim to injustices, I think the outpour of personal experiences and systemic experiences tied to the oppression of Black individuals in our country flipped a switch for me. I had finally been pushed to confront the anger I had been carrying for years inside me. At first, this anger was just chaos. I was mad at the world for letting such horrific and senseless crimes against humanity happen not just to the Black community but to all marginalized groups all over the world. The more I learned about acts of brutality from the internet or learned of ignorant, bigoted people in my own life, the angrier I got that all I could do was sit and watch. This intense anger impacted my relationship with people around me and my own mental health until one day I had a conversation with my Dad. I spent hours talking about everything horrible in the world and he looked at me and told me to put in the time to change it. Now, at first I admit that made me angrier because I’m just a broke college student, but eventually it clicked. I realized that maybe there’s nothing I can do in this exact moment, but I can work towards making that change one day. So, now at this point in the pandemic I’ve been spending my time trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I admit I still haven’t quite figured it out yet, but I know I want to keep humans at the center. I converted that I anger I felt into a passion for humanity. Rather than look at the ugliness of the world with rage, I know try to approach it as a problem solver.
BLOG POST #10
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