by Riley Brady
last night I dreamed of the only thing I’ve never wanted.
a beautiful baby girl who was mine
seule,
i carried her to work held her snug with one arm
she did not cry and looked nothing like me therefore
she was perfect
roucoulant au son de douces chansons et sentant la rose
grieving her and that this would never happen again
not in my sleep, not in my home
i never dressed dolls as a child or combed their hair
not for lack of trying or commitment
there is not a bone of maternity in my body
though there almost was, once
oh, the dreaded doom of an eldest daughter
c’est connu
so just as my mother donated the dolls i never looked at
i gave my dream daughter away, and hoped a mother tucked her in to sleep tonight
bisou mon doux