By Shay Overstone
It’s a gloomy Friday afternoon and the end of a long day. I met three pressing deadlines, installed my second piece in preparation for crit on Monday, had a meeting with my professor to discuss my questionable midterm grade, lunch with my classmate, stopped by CVS to get toothpaste and hand cream and submit a job application. All I can think about are my fluffy pink slippers, decaf earl gray tea and face steaming.
As I’m scrolling through my feed waiting for the train home, a friend texts me:
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“Hey Shay, how are u? I miss u! My friend’s band is playing at Kung Fu Necktie tonight. I thought you might be down. We can meet up before and have a drink. Was thinking around 7pm? Let me know if you’re interested”
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This essay is written by an introverted woman. The kind who waits at her front door until she hears the neighbor leave before leaving herself. The kind who prefers to wear neutral understated clothes in an effort to blend in. The kind who enjoys sitting in the window at a coffee shop ‘people watching’ because it makes her feel close to others without having to directly engage with them. If you know, you know, ya know?
Let’s cite a doctor, Carl Jung to be precise, the swiss psychiatrist who first theorized this idea of introverted and extroverted personality types. It’s very binary, I agree. There’s a name for the mass amount of ‘gray’ area- ambivert, representing nuance in the world of introversion and extroversion.
The Latin root word ‘vert’ means ‘turn’. ‘Extro’ carries the meaning ‘outwards’, while ‘intro’ is defined as ‘inward’ or ‘within’. Jung proposed that extroverts channel themselves toward the outerworld, drawing energy from their experiences with others outside of themselves. Introverts turn inwards, finding comfort in the rich inner world they’ve created, gaining energy from solitary, reflective moments. An ambivert is one who possesses traits of both or has the ability to adopt the trait necessary for the given situation.
Back to my Friday night conundrum and inner discussion. Should I stay or should I go? As I begin my mental pros and cons list I’m struck by the underlying issue I’m grappling with. I’m a creative- writer, photographer and videographer. In the creative industry, more often than not, it’s who a person knows that gets them gigs. On top of this is how many followers a person has, their reach, their audience. How many viewers might you bring to a project? I don’t really like social media, it hurts my mental health and sometimes I feel cringe reading the very public breakups/makeups/meltdowns of someone I’ve met twice. The problem is I am not someone who makes superficial connections and I know I’m one of many who struggle with this. If I don’t force myself outside of my introverted ways, it’s possible I won’t succeed in the field I’m called to. My main concern now becomes – will i be able to live with myself if I don’t succeed as a creative?
In 1971 the psychologist Herbert A. Simon conceived the term “attention economy” believing that multi-tasking was a myth, we only have so much attention, which makes the decision of where to place that attention significant. Fast forward to 1997, Michael Goldhaber takes the concept of “attention economy” and runs with it as the internet explodes. Goldhaber theorized that with the abundance of information at our fingertips as a result of the internet, the new currency would be: attention. When an overwhelming amount of anything and everything is available to us at any moment, attention is scarce and how to obtain and maintain attention becomes the most valuable question.
Little, old, introverted me begins the initial phases of a panic attack. If the new economy is structured around attention, how to gain attention, how to get attention, how to hold attention, I’m not sure I’ll make it! I’m left considering another old, white, cis, expert man- Charles Darwin and his theory of natural selection. Does this mean I must evolve to become an extrovert? That in the near future, success in creative realms, and others for that matter, will only be granted to those wearing the brightest clothes, with the most assertive tone and bustling social sphere? Someone hand me a brown paper bag and if possible, a dab pen..
As a woman in a 2022 America, I’m still earning less than men and I’m still expected to do more. With the rise of the attention economy and being an introverted woman, I’m left wondering where I will fit in our society? How will I find purpose, how will I contribute? What will we lose by shunning the quiet, the reflective, the deep thinking women?
The train rolls up to the platform, the doors open and I step in, sitting down on one of the orange seats facing the window. It’s still a gloomy Friday afternoon and I’m still exhausted. Suddenly I feel overwhelmed by my decision to either go out to this show and stand in the big loud crowd or go home to my decaf earl gray tea and quiet home. My face hurts thinking about all the smiling that would be required meeting new people, being personable. I’m torn between wanting so badly to succeed as a creator and providing myself the solitude I desperately need.
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“Hey friend, it’s been a long intense day and I don’t think I can make it to Kung Fu NeckTie tonight. Can we reschedule for another night? Miss and love- shay”