By Emily Corbett
You look like a
mess.
That’s what they’ll say.
“Couldn’t you have put in more effort today?”
“Couldn’t you have put in less?”
That’s what they’ll say and
that’s what I’ll hear playing in my head
over and over and over again.
It’s what I’ll hear as I struggle to keep my hands
still
as I fix my makeup in the mirror.
It’s what I’ll hear as my eyes begin to
fill
while I tell myself
“You’ll never be her.”
Her has never been one person.
Her is many people, and as time goes on,
Her perception of me worsens.
Her is cruel and unforgiving.
Her is an unfair competitor, always winning.
Her dictates the rules, her is the one who whispers
“You must be a fool
to think he’d like you.”
Her is a disguise, and when you peel back each layer,
You find that she is a he, not a fair player.
It has been him all along who sets the rule of the game,
It is him who became
The reason.
The reason for tears in the mirror,
Intentionally blurring your vision to prevent you from seeing
clearer.
Forcing your mind to twist and for your hands to shake,
Making you question every inch of your skin, making your heart
break.
Despite what he has told you,
you are not a mess.
He wants you to remain unaware
of the power that you posses.
Because once you become aware,
to him the game is no longer fair.
The rules crumble down, as he goes running,
as his game now becomes nothing.
Author’s note
With my poetry, I often like to focus in on female beauty and just femininity as a whole. These things are so incredibly subjective and complex that they don’t seem to fit to just one definition. There’s no one-size-fits-all definition of beauty and femininity. The only concrete definitions of what we should look like is one that has been built by the patriarchy since the beginning of time. I’ve always viewed these so-called “rules” and “standards” set by the patriarchy as a game, as seen in my poem. The “him” in this poem serves as a representation of the patriarchy as a whole. It’s a game with unfair rules that are constantly changing to make sure that women never have the advantage. As I’ve grown up, I’ve learned that you don’t need to know these all of these rules to win. You just ignore them. If you don’t acknowledge their existence, and play by the rules that you set, you will always win the game we’ve been set up to lose since we were born.