שִׁבְעָה

When Jewish people die they
Sit Shiva.
For a week you go to their house,

Pray, eat good food and 
Honor them.

At sixteen my Gila died.
She was the embodiment of a
Good Jewish woman.
On the first night of her Shiva,

Maybe two days after
Her death, she had the rabbi read
Aloud a note she had 
Written before she passed.

“Welcome to my Shiva.” 
The words tumbled from his mouth.

I can’t remember whether I

Laughed or cried at the absurdity of
A dead person welcoming me to
Their own memorial.

It was also comforting.

They were her words, and at that
Time, I could still remember what she 
Sounded like. I was in her home, surrounded by 
Her knick knacks and her smell was

So distinct. 
I was connected to her and she

Wasn’t even there.

It’s been five and a half years
Since she left us.

My father has her voicemails saved.
I listen to them once in a blue moon.
I paint my nails dark brown how
She did. Sometimes I think I smell
Her perfume when a stranger
Stumbles past me.

The only true thing I have left of her

Are pictures, memories, and her monkey luggage clip
Attached to the suitcase she gifted me

When I was a young girl.

Then there’s my granddad, whose 
Love for her lives on everyday, 
Even though he’s sort of 
Forgotten when to eat and how to
Dress himself. Not a day goes by
Where he doesn’t look at her picture 
And smile sadly. 
He doesn’t remember much anymore,

But I don’t see how he could

Ever forget someone like her.
Or how anyone else could.

I wish I could go back and

Sit Shiva for her again.

There are so many things I have

Left unsaid.
So many questions and lost stories,
Just for her.

I say these prayers instead:

Kel Maleh Rachamim (Prayer for the Soul of the Departed)

Al molay rachamim, shochayn bam’romim, ham-tzay m’nucha n’chona al kanfay Hash’china, b’ma-alot k’doshim ut-horim k’zo-har haraki-a mazhirim, et nishmat (Gila) she-halcha l-olomoh, ba-avur shenodvu tz’dakah b’ad hazkarat nishmatah. B’Gan Ayden t’hay m’nuchatah; la-chayn Ba-al Harachamim yas-tire-ha b’sayter k’nafav l’olamim, v’yitz-ror bitz-ror hacha-yim et nishmatah, Ado-nay Hu na-chalatah, v’tanu-ach b’shalom al mishkavah. V’nomar: Amayn

March, 2022