How Temple University and Philadelphia Freed Me From My Past
If I had never gone to Temple University, I would have never known how big the world really is. Temple has been more than just a stepping stone for my career; it has opened my eyes to a much greater and accepting world. Philadelphia dismantled the uncomfortable truths of my upbringing, identity, and deeply engrained prejudices within my family and community. Philadelphia has opened my eyes to a world I can comfortably question the life I was raised to follow. This is the education I didn’t know I needed.
A Childhood of Confinement
For a large part of my childhood, I attended a Roman Catholic Parish School.
From K-8, the “divinely entrusted” duty of my educators was to assist children in their ability to “reach the fullness of the Christian life.” So, aside from the generic classes; ELA, vocabulary, math, science…thou hath bestowed upon me a plethora of additional Righteous knowledge, which I have no use or interest for, an extreme fear of god’s omnipotence, and a stifled sense of self, expression, curiosity, and
the world. I never understood it, but I had no choice; it was the school my parents placed me in.
Once I figured out what college and university was, I was fascinated. I had never heard of such fancy education before, since neither of my parents went to college. I first heard of Penn State in 5th grade and inquired my brother, a freshman in high school, for information. “Is it a good school? Will you go there? Should I go there? What’s the difference between college and university?” – “Shut up, you don’t have to think about any of that right now, I’m not even worried about that right now.” My first conversation I can recall about higher education. But once my brother applied and was accepted to Temple, and I caught a glimpse of the city, I wanted to go to Temple too. From then on, I became dead set on going to Temple University and being in Philadelphia.
By high school, I was weird, awkward, and angry.
I felt deeply misunderstood, and going home was no better. For my time in high school was spent conforming myself into something “typical.” Initially, it was hard to have friends, because I wouldn’t be able to ask them to hang out at my house. My mom didn’t want people to know we weren’t the “perfect” family she wanted us to
be. My oldest brother was an addict, constantly getting into trouble with the law, and although I knew it wasn’t normal, it was my normal.
But with time I met people who accepted me for who I am and they are friends I still have today.
Today, I live with two of my favorite people that I graduated as class of 2020 together and came to Temple University with as a team. It’s funny, I moved out to go to college, but my family didn’t treat me as such. I was basically expected to spread myself thin, forced to spend weekends at home and go back and forth and back and forth. I had never felt more dysregulated in my life trying to balance adjusting to college and suffering in a cesspool of family drama.
Breaking Points and Breakthroughs
I hated college for my first 3 years, but I absolutely loved being in Philly. I would endlessly adventure around the city and campus my freshman year, but I was stuck trying to navigate a major I didn’t enjoy and had added pressure of family members blabbing their opinions in my ear.
I felt like I was drowning.
All that one family member sees in my pursuit of higher education is an indoctrination of “liberal idiocies.” That
what I am taught is the downfall of America. That white guilt is a load of crap and I should be proud to be white in an “area full of blacks.” Pride? For being white? What of whiteness do I have to be proud of? Historically, technically, I live on stolen land and benefited from the oppression of others; AND you just spat the word “blacks.” Go lick Trump’s boots. If that is our history, I have no pride in this heritage.
Another family member, upon mentioning my interest in a non-white person, “…Would you?” – “What’s wrong with mixed families?” I asked, their response was “I don’t think that’s fair to the child, it should be kept separate.” The irony of this statement is the fact that we have mixed family members. I’ve since learned to smile and keep my mouth shut because you really can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Finding My Future
Changing my major to Media Studies and Production, I realized what it meant to enjoy what you’re studying. My first favorite course was Intro to Media Analysis with Barry Vacker. I remember sitting in that class every Tuesday and Thursday thinking to myself “holy shit this guy is saying a lot of stuff that I think…” It was an enriching experience.
It is now my fifth year living in Philadelphia and my final at Temple, and I’m tired of being afraid I’ll disappoint my family, of being scared of saying the “wrong” thing. I’m tired of being told to look up to the white man my entire life. I’m tired of feeling guilty for pursuing a life that people don’t understand.
I love Philadelphia. I love that it’s gross, that the subways smell like piss, that the people are sometimes grumpy. I love the history, the opportunity, the culture, and the art. I’ve never been as happy as I am today. I’ve
joined a club which is something I never saw myself doing in the past. Joining We Need To Talk has been incredible. I’ve met so many cool people and have strengthened my relationships with my peers. I never would have known how badly I needed a woman’s space such as We Need To Talk. It feels safe, and I never have to worry about a man speaking over me. I love being able to work together as a team to produce a show for Temple’s television station.
I am proud of my education today and to live in Philly. Even greater, I’ve landed an editing job with a great group of people. And I’m growing every day into a person I’m happy to be.
If I had never moved to Philadelphia to attend Temple University, I believe I would have never fully identified how lost I felt. I would have never had a proper outlet to question everything or a proper source to learn. If I had never changed my major at Temple, I would have never been able to understand the world the way I do now, or have been able to meet the incredible people I now know. I am grateful. Studying media, cultural differences, being surrounded by a diverse group of people, contributing to/being part of beneficial, inclusive conversation- I have gained a greater understanding of myself, the United States, and the world.
In the end, perhaps the greatest lesson I’ve earned is that I used to beg for my family’s love and approval, but now I happily fantasize of the day I provide them nothing but silence. Philadelphia has provided itself as a stepping stone for my future freedom. I’ve learned that love isn’t something conditional, and that true love isn’t from those who see your growth as betrayal. For the first time in my life, I feel comfortable, happy, and every day, I feel more liberated and gained something they can’t take away from me: a self that exists beyond their expectations.
Cheers to Philly.