By Emily Brennan
Dear fellow students:
I am writing to you today to express my frustration and indignation. These feelings are resulting from nineteen years of experiencing manipulation and an inability to gain adequate respect. I am a dean’s list student, a part of multiple honors societies, and work multiple jobs. I am also a woman. A few months back, it was my first week at a new job. My first real office job and I was excited and eager to accomplish something. However, on the Friday of my first week, I was called into my boss’s office, where I was told I was doing a great job, however I needed to dress “less feminine”. I was told to make myself look less presentable and more masculine as it could potentially be distracting for clients or I could be “hit on” because I am a “young and attractive woman”. When I left work that day, I was no longer eager, no longer excited. I stepped into my car beginning to cry, feeling shame and embarrassment. I am angry that my femininity is seen as a blemish. Why does wearing a skirt affect how seriously I am taken? Why does my pink sweater make it so I cannot do my job as effectively? Why do I have to dress in a way that makes me uncomfortable because grown men cannot control themselves?
A few months later I began feeling sick. I was feverish every night, coughing, and unable to eat. I went to the doctor where I was told it is just a cold. No tests were done, the doctor seemed annoyed. A week went by. I was still incredibly sick and I returned to the doctor. I was once again told it is just a cold and once again no tests were done. The doctor was surprised that I was back. A few more days went by and I could barely get out of bed. I was not sleeping through the night because I was coughing so much. I returned to the doctor where finally, after my father came with me and talked to the doctor, tests were done. It was discovered I have had severe pneumonia all along, and no one noticed. No one noticed until a man expressed his concern and anger. Why was it that my pain was not taken seriously? Was it because I am a woman and it is likely I was “just being dramatic” or “must be sensitive to pain”?
Three years earlier I was working as a lifeguard at a public pool. I was the only woman on staff. A man entered the pool without a pool pass and I told him he was not allowed in without a pass. He got angry and raised his voice. He pointed to one of my male coworkers and told me he wanted to speak to him. I left, and my coworker told him the same thing I did- that the man needed to leave. The man was then very calm and left. Why is it that as a woman I cannot be taken seriously in a position of authority? Why is nothing I say validated or taken seriously until a man says the same thing?
I am sharing my story with you today to ask you to look within yourself: consider why femininity is so often associated with inferiority and lack of intelligence. Think about why a skirt suddenly transforms a person into a sexual object instead of a human being deserving of respect. Think about if you have ever dismissed a woman’s feelings because you thought she was “just being dramatic”. As a society, we need to evaluate our internal biases and how stereotypes and superstitions affect us. The great Greek philosopher Socrates once said, “ An unexamined life is not worth living”. So I propose something to you: I ask you to look within yourself and think about all the possible times you have treated a woman differently than you would have treated a man, even if it wasn’t on purpose, even if it was unconscious. We have all done it, including myself.
I am tired. Tired of being gaslighted almost every time I step foot into a doctor’s office experiencing pain or sickness. Tired of no matter how qualified I am, failing to gain respect from my male counterparts. Tired of my femininity and aspects I use to express myself being seen as a weakness. Toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny are everywhere and in everyone. It is so ingrained in our present-day society that it often goes unnoticed. This is seen at all stages of life. It takes form in young girls comparing each other and thinking they need to compete with one another to gain a man’s attention or approval. It takes form in imposter syndrome in successful intelligent women, continuing to think they do not deserve to be where they are. It takes form in women constantly picking themselves apart and hating their bodies, because they have been fed to unconsciously believe that their bodies are the only part of them that hold any value. There are steps to combat this cycle of misogyny and prejudice towards women. Steps that will unfortunately not lead to a change overnight, but through generations.
First, we must start with educating our youth. We must focus on emphasizing mutuality in raising our children and the next generations. Women are taught from childhood that they are weaker than men. Not only are women taught this, but so are men. This leads to young girls growing up believing they are naturally a step behind men, and boys believing they are a step ahead. This is exemplified through girls being told they cannot be as good at sports as boys, that they are not as intelligent as boys, and even through seeing their fathers control and have superiority towards their own mothers. This step is difficult because it begins with how parents raise their children. It is difficult to tell a parent to raise their child a certain way, but if we all can eliminate the divide of gender in raising our kids, the young women of our society can hopefully no longer feel like they are starting a step behind men in the race.
Next, we must educate our children through schooling. Schools must stop ignoring the lack of women being discussed in classrooms. In the United States’s schooling system, when learning about history, science, or reading books there is an absence of women. Schools need to talk about why women are often so left out of history instead of ignoring it. Yes, it is true there is beginning to be a greater effort of women being included in education, however not nearly enough. Not to the same extent men play in the role of education. Teachers need to explain to children that an absence of women in education may be because of a lack of opportunity and support rather than a lack of success or intelligence. Finally, we must enact laws and policies to ensure women are not taken advantage of and hold men accountable for their actions. The American justice system is not in favor of women. So often are men accused of rape, sexual assault, or domestic violence and still go on to lead successful and impactful lives without reparations. This can be seen with former President Donald Trump, musician Chris Brown, actor Ansel Elgort, and radio and reality host Ryan Seacrest (just to name a few). None of these men lost their jobs and they still continue to gain respectable roles to this present day. We need to hold men to the same accountability that we hold women because currently, there is a double standard. In the 2016 presidential election, there were countless stories about the wrongs Hillary Clinton has done. However not as many people seemed to care about the numerous comments and sexual assault allegations Donald Trump received. There was even video evidence of him saying horrendous things about women and mentioning rape. Yet he still became president of the United States. We need to hold men accountable for taking advantage of women, rather than silencing women and calling them liars. This is especially prevalent in cases of rape and sexual assault where a woman is often assumed to be a liar trying to ruin a man’s reputation before she is assumed a victim. Only when society stops making excuses for men will women be respected and valued in the same manner.
I am sitting here, on a cold night in February, in my small apartment, in my little pink bedroom, on my bed with flowers on the sheets. And I am asking you, pleading with you, to make an effort to challenge what our society has accepted. To help change the society your wives, daughters, and granddaughters will live in. I hope you have a wonderful night, and I thank you for listening to me.
I wish you well