“Stasis in darkness./Then the substanceless blue/Pour of tor and distances./God’s lioness,/How one we grow,/Pivot of heels and knees!” – Sylvia Plath

I feel as though this quote, the opening of “Ariel”, captures my emotional state of being both before departing for Ireland, and now, as I’m preparing to depart from Ireland. I felt as though I was in a state of hesitation, lingering on the verge of some rabbit-hole type of abyss, from which my identity would grow.

Walking out of the airport into Ireland was exhilarating, and the first 24 hours I spent in Dublin was a rush of excitement. It was new, it was foreign, and I was ready to discover all that I could find with the group of strangers I was placed here with. However, my excitement died relatively quickly. I realized that Dublin was more similar to Philadelphia, as well as every other city I have been to, then I had ever expected. As I walked the streets of Dublin, I would randomly find a street that would transport me back to Philadelphia, as I perceived it to be similar to some shadow of a street I frequent but never fully examined.

It was in this feeling that my first growth as an individual began. I realized that I hadn’t ever slowed down to observe Philadelphia as much as I thought I had. Not being able to pinpoint why certain areas, signs, or people in Dublin reminded me of home was agitating. It was confounding to think that I could only remember Philly in mental shadows, but not in distinct detail. It was this that encouraged me to slow down in Dublin and to fully immerse myself in each image and experience. I knew that I did not want to return to Philly with just a shadow of Dublin in my mind.

As I was attempting to satisfy my appetite for Dublin sights and sounds, the feeling of disorientation is what propelled the next growth in my identity. I found myself amongst strangers in a strange city. I had left a home that I shared with my friends, where we acted more as a family, and had left a city that I’ve called home my entire life, to come to this place. I missed the familiarity of my home, and I still do now, however the motivation behind it has changed. At first the discomfort of such foreign places and people made me upset, and the fact that I only had six weeks before I was to leave made me debate the value of putting time and effort into fully acclimating. This was a temporary lifestyle, and I didn’t want anything to change between when I arrived and left for home.

Then I realized that I was a blank slate here. That I could be me, without a history or any ties to who I was or who I was perceived to be. I had no past. It was liberating, and I was able to relax and let myself act and say however I felt in each moment. It was this that has allowed me to unfurl the tight bud that my psyche and perception of myself had become. So now, when I miss home, it is not for the familiarity of who I was and my environment to which I had become accustomed, but simply the want for companionship and new experiences shared with those whom I haven’t seen in six weeks.

It was this that led to my final realization, not only about myself or Dublin, but about travel as a whole, as an idea. Travel is fascinating and exciting, no doubt about that; however it is simply the moving of oneself to see new places on the surface. Travel is not only about being somewhere new or finding and experiencing new people and things. It is about how one reacts to these new people and things. Travel is about the self. In travelling, I have discovered and grown more than I would have at home. Travel plops you into a new and foreign atmosphere, and it allows you to figure out how you fit into the puzzle of somewhere besides home. It is this that allows us to grow as individuals. It allows us to realize how exactly we do fit into our home environment. And it has allowed me to figure out who I am. As Professor Darren Kelly told us, travelling and seeing different places is exciting and nice, but it is what these places teach us about ourselves that makes them truly priceless.

So now, as I prepare to leave Dublin and return home to Philadelphia, I am not sad, but excited. I once again feel as though I am on the edge of an abyss- an abyss that will allow me to continue my growth past Dublin. I will be returning home with a different identity, one in which I will once again discover nuances to how I fit into the puzzle of home, just as I found how I fit into Dublin and this group of 17 students. I will be able to discover more about myself, and continue the constant evolution of my identity.

-Brittany Kane