During this week I completed my presentation although it was brief I believed that I provided a general idea of what I did my research paper on. As for polishing up my research paper, I feel that I should address that there were 3 different generations who were interned. About 80,000 were Nisei (American born Japanese with US citizenship and Sansei (their children) and finally Issei who were immigrants born in Japan. In all my drafts so far I haven’t included this important statistic, I am planning on incorporating somewhere in my introductory paragraphs or after my historiography. Also I would like to add more to the last section of the paper without stretching it too much that it seems I am adding words just to hit a specific
In addition, I am still working on adding notes in footnote area, this is new territory for me as I never added notes in any of my previous papers and I am feeling anxious about getting the structure correct without added too much information. This weekend my plan is to read each page of my paper out loud and attempted to work on polishing up one page at a time, with the hope that it assists me correcting some mistakes I have made.
Finally, since this our last blog post I wanted to thank my classmates for all of the suggestions about my paper, you have been extremely helpful with improving my paper. Also thanks for making an older student feel welcome, it’s been tough spending some of my afternoons with students half my age. Finally, thanks for all the congratulatory words after the birth of my daughter. Enjoy the summer. Stephen
Throughout the previous week I was able to complete my second full draft of my project in accordance with the coarse’s due date. Following the suggestions given to me by Luke I was able to condense my historiography and bulked up one of my primary sources. Although there are still some grammatical and sentence structure issues in my paper it is clear that at this point in the semester that my paper is coming together quite well. I have spent some time this weekend revising and re-reading my paper to catch said issues and plan on continuing into the week. Having spoken with Luke I was able to take all of his suggestions, which were extremely helpful, into consideration, changing most if not all that he pointed out. Revising and working with Luke has proven to be extremely fruitful throughout the process due to our topic similarities. These similarities have also aided in obtaining new sources and expanding on my existing ones. He was able to tell me how well my sources and quotes were incorporated and he was also able to point me towards news sources, that although late in my paper’s productions, truly help when added to my argument. I have also taken the time this week to develop my presentation and choose some pictures that I will use throughout. Taking the time to develop my presentation has proven to be much easier as I have explored my sources to significant extent. Because of my well-rounded understanding of the topic and my sources I have been able to figure out what points I will highlight in my presentation. I will be utilizing multiple maps from pre, post and intermittent development of the Schuylkill Expressway as well as some pictures of the most prominent people involved in the decision making and development process of the roads implementation. I am truly excited to be presenting my topic due to the significant investment that I’ve made over the last semester.
During this week I completed my second full draft and after Wednesdays class I incorporated all the suggestions and corrections from Prof. Lowe and Audrey. One concern was addressing my constant habit of utilizing a passive voice. I have worked on correcting this during the weekend. In addition, I have switched a couple paragraphs at the end of my paper to allow the conclusion to flow smoother. After Wednesday class I looked through the critique of my paper, and made some new improvements. I have worked on a clear and concise road map and I wanted to rearrange my introduction paragraph and my conclusion so if they were swapped there would be no confusion on what my research paper was about. I also noticed that I didn’t provide any countering secondary sources in my historiography, although I haven’t added as of yet I am working on finding an additional source to add. Finally, I realized that I could work on my transitional sentences at the end of each supporting ideas, in some I provide one but in others I am missing them.
In addition, I have focused on my main priority for Wednesday 17th presentation. This weekend I have completed about ten slides and I am working on the transcripts for each slide. I have been recording my voice over each slide and as of Sunday everything is coming together as best as possible. The major problem is the recording is slightly muffled and the volume is low, I am currently working on these two issues before Wednesdays deadline. The final objective on my list for this class is giving my paper to two additional peers review my paper, with the hopes that they will provide additional insight and perspective that will help complete this assignment.
On Wednesday, I was able to meet with Dr. Yun Zhu, who helped me to place my paper in a more cultural context. She gave me a few great recommendations which I have spent the weekend incorporating into my paper. She especially recommended I have a section devoted to explaining the traditional values of Confucianism, which has really helped describing the cultural context of my topic. I have also been working on passive voice in my paper. I will be taking my new draft to the writing center this week to have them review it and make sure I changed all the passive voice to active voice, as well as provide any critiques on my paper that need to be fixed.
This week, I mostly focused on forming my presentation. I have most of the slides finished, but I still need to go over them a few times to make sure that it flows correctly. Forming this presentation has helped with writing my paper because it helps to hear the arguments and structure of the paper out loud to test if they make sense and flow well together. I have also been working on revising my title to grab people’s attention more and be more interesting. My current title is “The Impact of the Reform and Opening Period on Chinese Women’s Rights,” which is kind of vague and boring. I am not very good with titles so I am still working on trying to form an interesting title.
This week was spent again mainly on my presentation. I am going first on Wednesday so I want to make sure I start off our group with a strong one. I created a script and have been rehearsing because I have had trouble presenting for as long as I can remember. I’ll work through it to give a good presentation on my final paper.
I got some great feedback during last week’s review session that I have begun to incorporate into my paper. First, I changed my title back to its original. I removed my geographical focus of Rome, and made the focus just Italy again. My title said “In Contemporary Italy” for most of the course, but then I changed it to “In Contemporary Rome” for a short while. Then, the person reading my paper suggesting changing Rome to Italy, so now my title is set in stone.
Last week I also discussed my paper topic with Professor Harvey Neptune, who I have for my history of global soccer class. Our class last week was based around racism in European soccer, so we had a great discussion about my paper. I am hoping to incorporate our reading from that class last week, “Accidental Racists: Experiences and Contradictions of Racism in Local Amsterdam Soccer Culture” by Floris Muller into my paper. It has a different geographical focus than my paper, but the article is conceptually rich and hammers home the point about racism having no singular source or remedy.
This week I was finally able to meet with Dr. Roney. We discussed sources and she recommended that I look into several different aspects of my topic which I had not previously thought about looking into. Given the limited time between now and when the final paper is due, I will not be able to fully explore all of these angles, but they would not all have been perfect fits for my paper to begin with. Although all of Dr. Roney’s recommendations were related to the time period and the broad topic of the early days of the Democratic Republican party, some of the specifics would be better served in a paper being written from a different starting point.
One of the recommendations I will be following however, is the link between the outbreak of Yellow Fever which took place in Philadelphia in 1793 and the sense of partisanship which was growing at the same time. Apparently, some people would only go to doctors who fell in line with their own political leanings. Another topic which I plan to research as a possible inclusion for my paper is the rise of partisan fashion. This would go alongside the planned section on the Yellow Fever and my existing sections on theater productions and newspapers, all of which would be in relation to this growing trend of partisan politics which laid the groundwork for the Democratic Republican party’s ascension.
I also spent time this week integrating the comments I received from last week’s peer-review session into the draft I submitted this week. In addition to this, I have continued to prepare for my upcoming presentation.
Feeling really good moving into the home stretch with this paper. I think my argumentative section has come along splendidly and I like the way the more comprehensive sections are written. For final changes I definitely need to edit my historiography and introduction to the dialogue itself. This sounds easy, but I need to create a summary of the dialogue which is easily formatted and incorporates as much of the message as possible. My current summary is extremely long winded and essentially all one paragraph. As for changes to the historiography I think my current one is actually too specific. instead of discussing the changing thought process on the Melian Dialogue i get too deep into important works published in the 20th century. I want to rephrase this to better communicate the popular opinions held as time and research moved forward.
As for the presentation I feel ready. I just need to conjure up a better visual aid then a notebook. This will certainly be a power point involving a lot of maps. Much of the dialogue can be understood just with emphasizing where Athens and Melos are on a map. I’ll try and accompany it with something a little less of an eye sore, but the maps will be key. Looking forward to coming out the end of this project.
As we approach these last two weeks, the pieces of my paper are seemingly falling into place. The most exciting development of the past week was finally turning in my first full draft. There still needs to be some brushing over with my sources and some grammar mistakes corrected, but I feel confident about where I am right now. One aspect I am concerned about is completing a second draft without some feedback on the first draft. I am not sure about how I should go about completing it in these next couple of days, especially whether Nathan’s review is enough. Speaking of Nathan, his paper is coming along nicely. Last week’s class was the first time in a while that I got to review a peer’s draft. I am glad that it was his. During the last time I reviewed his paper, I marked it far too much out of passion for his topic. This time it was much more subdued and it was to both our benefit. I feel like he will take my advice to heart and improve his paper for this week.
Unfortunately I still have no material for my backdrop as of this writing. My hope is that Dr. Nepa or Dr. Lowe will point me in the right direction in the next couple of days. It is not during my period of research but it is relevant to my topic. One aspect that is on my mind is what happens with my paper, research, and effort following our allotted class time. Dr. Urwin’s advice from earlier this semester is on my mind again, but I feel like I should pursue getting this paper published. I understand that this would require more research and perhaps delayed at that due to Paley’s closure. I feel strongly that my lack of non-“Bulletin” primary sources would be scrutinized by a publisher. This will persist as long as my uncertainty for post-graduation persists. In the coming week I hope to edit my paper to sufficient detail for the second rough draft. Later in the week I plan to begin work on my presentation. I plan on flowing my work in the following matter: title page, introduction, historiography, cemetery history synopsis, case studies, current events, conclusion, and citations. It is my hope that the presentation is an accurate representation of my research. When that day comes, it will start to hit me that my time at Temple is almost over. I am honored that this class was part of that journey.
This week, I decided to change it up a bit. I started focusing more on my presentation as opposed to my paper in an effort to spark some creativity for this upcoming final push. I want to include a lot of visual aid in my presentation since my paper itself incorporates art and architecture. I began preparing a ‘script’ of sorts for my presentation too that will help me in meeting the 15 minute mark. Presenting has always been difficult for me, so I’m hoping that by starting this powerpoint early, I will be able to deliver a good presentation on the 17th.
Regarding my paper, I’m still searching for some newspaper primary sources. I have yet to locate a match report from the game where Mussolini was hit in the face with a soccer ball, which is a tad disappointing. I will try again on ProQuest tomorrow though, because I think that can really strengthen that section of my paper.
I have also been toying with the idea of breaking up my paper into sections by bolded words. I think that this helps compartmentalize my paper and also helps me see which areas I can trim, and which ones I need to add to. I am looking forward to the second full draft revision this week because I’m anticipating making more big changes to make my paper easier to read and my argument easier to follow.
This week, I worked on finding a few more examples to support my thesis in my paper. I had planned to go back to the writing center, but did not have time so I plan to go next week. This week I was also able to meet with Dr. Peter Lavelle, who is an expert in contemporary Chinese history. Taking his class on Contemporary Chinese History last semester helped me to decide on my topic for my capstone paper, so he was able to help me a great deal with my paper. He was able to show me a few sources to look into and dig deeper in to help form my final argument. The sources he gave me have helped to provide more support for my overall thesis. I was planning to meet with him earlier, but I wanted to make sure that I had done enough research and had a formed a good argument before I met with him. He was extremely helpful and gave me a few more sources to look into that I have incorporated into my paper. He also recommended I meet with his colleague, Dr. Yun Zhu, who is a professor here at Temple in Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies, with a focus on Chinese Literature and History. I reached out to her last week and she was kind enough to set up an appointment with me for Monday to discuss my paper. It will be really helpful to talk to an expert on Chinese Women’s Studies to hear her insights on the topic.